Blue.

11.27 p.m. Im moody right now, and blue. I don't know why but the blue suddenly came to me... I'm still normal for the few minutes before, and I'm laughing around with my MSN buddies.. but the blue mood just came and spoiled everything. I wanna stop it but I can't, feeling deadly that time. Changing shouout of my MSN and keep on talking bout' deadly things, and I Googled bout' dealy things to. It was so scary, for that minute.. I wish to forget everything, I wish not to know everyone, I wish Im' just living in my world and nothing around me. Just empty.. I want to shout, but I can't.. Right, who cares ?
and, I saw a question on my MSN buddy shoutout.. and asking " are you the same like other girl in the world, will people leave you because you did not fulfill their wish ? " and Im' feeling that she is asking me.. and I answered " yes, nobody is same as I am. People being friends with me just because of my ka-ching ". I don't know what the hell of what am I thinking that time, its like Im' not controling myself.. like that time, Im' begging for concern.
at the same time, I was texting with Amanda. She's stress, and she sended " I LOVE YOU " and I just asked what happened. Common, both of us facing problems. I was like insane listening to sad songs and searching for bad jokes to match my mood. The bad jokes didn't work, my eyes just read and I feel nothing. It doesn't effect me at all.
and I still remember last caroling practise at church, my mind is just " time fly so fast ". Today morning, I saw the calender is now December, and it spoils my mood, Im' feeling loosing myself, I don't want to end for this year. I don't want new year.. I don't want to be that fast.
What happened to me, and I was like watching a slide show of my friends and stading infront of my computer and enjoying the loneliness.

I don't want hate,
I don't want fate,
I don't want everything...

Don't ask why, I don't know too.